I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
