WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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