Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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