I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I puked a lego.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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