Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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