Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
