so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
