thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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