Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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