If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
