you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
