Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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