And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
