You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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