Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
