Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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