If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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