I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
