and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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