u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just tell him i said nine months
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
