I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
