we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
