He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
