My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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