Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
