I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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