please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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