If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
