we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
