i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
