I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my fart just growled at me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
