All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
