So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
