I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
