Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i believe in u and ur pee
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
