Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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