fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
