last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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