Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
