okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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