Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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