This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
