My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
