Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
