what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!