I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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