so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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