There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
