I accidentally burped into my bong.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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