It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
