I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
