totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
