If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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