as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
