No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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