I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
