I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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