I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
