Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
