dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize