I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
