Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
