dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
