please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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