someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
