You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
