I hate your face
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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