Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
