and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
