That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
