Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
