do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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