I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
