people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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