I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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