I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize