Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
